The birth of determination

Thank you all for being patient with me in my blogging absence the past couple of weeks. As some of you know, I’ve been really busy with work and on top of that, my Grandmother died. For those of you who know me, you probably know that my grandmother meant a lot to me. I suppose that is putting it modestly since I consider her my greatest hero. In light of that, I figured I should make this post about my reflections on her in the last week or two.

Two songs have been stuck in my head since I learned of her death. The first, a hymn, is “My Hope is Built.” The chorus of this song goes, “On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.” Grandma stood on a rock and she was also constantly encouraging us to stand on one as well. I don’t know how many times I trusted her of all people with a prayer because I knew she had a faith that could move mountains. To be honest with you, during my toughest times here in Bangladesh I have taken a lot of solace in the fact that I knew grandma was praying for me and God would hear her prayers. The other song that has stood out to me was “Shine” by the Newsboys. The chorus of this song goes, “Shine, make them wonder what you’ve got, make them wish that they were not on the outside looking bored. Shine, let it shine before all men, let them see good works and then let them glorify the Lord.” Anyone that knew grandma, knows that she had great love and she shared it with everyone. She never knew a stranger. Above and beyond all that though, she always put God in front of everything she did. She truly shined. The thing about these songs that has stood out to me the most though is that this person is gone from this world and they are things about her that will truly be missed unless something is done about that. In light of this I’ve decided that I can’t help but view her death as a challenge to step up and bear whatever small part of that burden I am able.

The other thing that really hit me was something I got when I arrived in the Dhaka office this past week. I got a couple of letters in the mail and one of them was from my grandma. That was like a punch to the gut in how shocking it was. I debated for about 15 minutes what to do with it. Do I open it right away? Do I wait until later on when I have more privacy to open? What can I expect when I open it? Eventually I just decided to open it right there since I was at a desk in a room by myself. What was inside was something beyond even what I could have imagined was inside. The card said, "Let us be glad and rejoice. Revelations 19:7" and she wrote, "Merry Christmas, I love you,
Grandma Birkey." I’ll tell you what I told my dad in light of that situation, “I wish I could describe the myriad of different emotions and thoughts those simple words have caused me but I'll have to settle for telling you two things: I'm hanging in there and the extent that God worked through that woman just blows my mind.” I imagine that’s how I’m going to feel for a long time yet to come and I wouldn’t want it any other way. It’s how a hero deserves to be remembered.