Final thoughts about the end of my bachelorhood.

Many people have been asking lately how I'm feeling about getting married. I've had many thoughts on these matters and as is typical for me, it seems I may be odd. People keep asking me in particular if I'm nervous but I don't feel that way. Should I be nervous? I guess I take the view that, as with all community based functions, things with the wedding day are going to be insane and something isn't going to go the way we had anticipated but at the end of the day, I get to marry the woman I love. Barring that not happening, what do I have to be nervous about then? I'll do my best and try to make the experience as perfect as it can be for everyone but forget you if you think I'm going to let worries over details ruin my wedding.

No, nervousness has not been my feeling lately. My feeling has been more borderline on melancholy because I feel bad that Esther is not with me and I am not in Ireland helping her out. It kind of just kills the joy in life. Luckily or unluckily, things have been crazy at work while she has been away and preparing to leave for vacation for 3 weeks was a bit of a grind. It has been a good distraction but I've noticed that when I come home at the end of the day the melancholy mood is made that much worse by tiredness.

When it comes down to it, I'm mostly at this point just excited that I'll get to see Esther again tomorrow morning. I'm excited that I'll be able to help out. I'm excited that I'll see my family and friends. I feel a bit bad that they've all paid so much money to come to the wedding and I've not talked to them much over the last 6 months or so. Hopefully the time around the wedding can make up for that a bit.

Other general thoughts I've had:

• I moved my stuff over to Esther's apartment the other day and I was reminded of how much junk we accumulate and how I need to throw stuff out.
• Having a moment to settle a little bit of my stuff into what is our apartment was a great feeling!
• I said goodbye (for the most part) to bachelor food. I've eaten some strange meals.
• The idea of doing something for the last time as a bachelor is just a strange concept.
•  Esther and I are going to have to feed a lot of Bengali people when we get back.
• I hate feeling useless. Not knowing Irish culture well enough to provide sound suggestions for the wedding has been very frustrating.
• Esther and I are very blessed to have friends from so many places who are able to come to our wedding!
• I'm looking forward to Irish food which is a sure sign for most my friends that I'm crazy.
• Writing my speech for the reception requires a lot of thought, I normally wing it on such things!

Bike Rides

As I'm sure I have stated many times on this blog. I love riding my bicycle. I get to see things at whatever pace I want. Over the weekend, I got invited to friend's farewell party. It stretched far into the night. Eventually the host offered the use of his car and driver to get us all home. One of the people going lives just three doors down from me. I wasn't going to accept on behalf of my beloved bike until I realized just how late it was. Time forced me to relent and take the offered ride. I let my beloved bike stay over in the parking lot of my friends apartment building for two days and then decided I should go back for it last night. One mistake I made first though is that I stepped on the scales. I realized that I've been putting on a bit of weight lately. Genius me decides that walking there and biking back would be a good idea. I wasn't quite sure how long it would be but I was guessing somewhere around 5 miles since it is 6 miles to Esther's house. The fact that I was guessing 5 miles should have been a good clue of just how silly I am sometimes. So I threw a chicken roast in the oven on a low temperature (figured it would take me two hours and I'd be hungry when I got back) and started walking. I started doing the math in my head while I walked and realized that walking would take me at least 1.5 hours at a brisk pace. I decided to jog a bit of the journey to reduce this time somewhat. Nothing too crazy, just two stretches at a reasonably easy pace that was about twice as fast as my walking. In the end that paid off as I reached my destination, 5.2 miles later after an hour and ten minutes of walking. I was covered in sweat but felt like I had accomplished something as I walked into the parking lot. I talked to the guard who told me where he had put my bike and I went to retrieve it. When I found my bike, I pulled it around to the front gate and then realized that the back tire was flat. I looked outside and saw that it was dark which meant that there would be no fixing it as all the guys who do these things on the side of the road go home as soon as it gets dark. The last time this happened to me on the road, I ended up walking home 3 miles or so in the dark. I was furious in this moment. I felt a very strong temptation to just throw my bike in that moment. I hated the stupid thing.

I took a few deep breaths, walked in a circle as I thought about the situation then set my bike back where it had been, walked to the nearest bus stand and got a bus home. As I sat on the bus on the way home, I couldn't help but think about how this was just how my day had gone. Crappy thing after crappy thing happened. Nothing major, nothing life altering, but always crappy. Once I got past this, I began to think about how I had a delicious roast waiting for me at home and I felt very good after a long walk. Those thoughts are leaving me to ponder repeating yesterday's feat today only leaving early enough that I can get my tire fixed which probably just goes to show that my mind isn't all there.