I might as well continue on my streak of confession posts. I'm from rural Indiana and it runs in my blood. That isn't the confession, but it is pertinent. The confession is that I (and I think everyone else along with me) am a finicky and fickle person at times. The rural Indiana thing becomes important when thinking about what ways these traits play out in my life. For instance, I often find myself being very slow to warm up to new things (like my roommate's Swedish butter knife)and I often find myself with a very strong opinion about the most correct way to do something (for instance how toast is toasted). The two examples I listed are a source of much amusement to my roommates as they seem silly and trivial to them. Funny thing is though, if you pay attention you can catch other people in the act as well. For instance, my one roommate returned home recently and the first words out of his mouth were, "Well that's not where I would have put the table." I find this very humorous because I saw it coming. He has an artistic eye and is always seeking to satisfy that part of his nature. I on the other hand am much more concerned with pure functionality and find some of his rants amusing. My other roommate is incredibly consistent in how he approaches life as viewed through his values, except occasionally he strays from those (in minor ways, not in the "let's go binge drinking and hire prostitutes" sort of way). In one such instance recently I asked him why he did something seemingly unpractical and he replied, "I was curious." If curiosity isn't a fickle thing, then I don't know what is. That said, I'm still the one who made a big fuss over toast and butter knives which even I recognize is quite silly.
In other news, this week I went to Dhaka for a couple of days to do some quick computer work that needed faster internet than I have here in Bogra. I then proceeded to ride a bus for 15 hours in a 48 hour time span. I caught a bus back to Bogra on Tuesday afternoon. I then took a bus up to Dimla the next morning and returned from Dimla on Thursday morning. Needless to say, I'm a bit tired of buses now but my work all went really well. I started up a bit of research in Dimla. We're trying to determine if farmers will really make more of a profit if they feed better quality feed to their milk cows. That will be going one for the next month or two. I returned early enough on Thursday to go over to a friends house to watch the movie "Elf". Our rationalization for that was that we were celebrating Christmas in July. I guess that concept qualifies as a joke about American culture. Sometimes the little grasps of home have their value even if they are silly. I guess that's kind of like how our little fickle and finicky characteristics are our grasps at being ourselves which is beautiful even if it is silly.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
First a bit of a progress note on my last post: I got a couple of emails from people too afraid (or wise, depending on your view) to comment on the actual post. I think I'll share a bit from one of their emails because I think they had a good point (I will leave them anonymous though).
Quote #1: My suggestion is to not think about it in terms of being right or wrong. It is your opinion. Don’t assume you are correct. There may be more than one good answer. On biblical differences, view it as an opportunity to examine your beliefs and why you believe that way. I think a lot of times we get caught up in trying to determine what is right and what is wrong on little things (although I would not necessarily call them trivial or insignificant), but we lose sight of what is really important. You quoted it, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength and mind; love your neighbor as yourself.” Remember this always.
Quote #2: If you read the story of Jesus telling the rich man to give away all that he has, the rich man’s response is disappointment because he loves his possessions more than he loves God. There are many places in the Bible where rich men are also praised but not because they are rich but because they are faithful and lead good lives. Take the story of Job for instance. If we all lived paycheck to paycheck because we give everything beyond what we need to live to charity, who would have money to start small businesses and provide jobs for others? I heard someone say once that you are not giving enough to charity and the church until it causes you to sacrifice something in your life. I think this is a good measure of the minimum you should be doing.
I scream an "AMEN!!!" to the first quote and have a lot of respect for the second one. I guess the only thing I would have to say is not that I disagree with the second quote but rather that it is my opinion that it is the minimum. Unfortunately, it is also my opinion that I am not interested in minimums and would prefer to focus all of those financial resources towards the first quote. I must also provide a disclaimer though, I of all people have never been all that great at handling money. I all to often let it handle me. This is part of why I take such a hard line stance with myself on the issue.
Ok, enough of that though. I should move on to other things. This past week wasn't all that amazingly interesting. I did however have one part of the week that stood out to me. On Saturday, I went to our home church and Tim, our host this week, let me in the gate. Tim asked how I was, to which I responded, "I'm doing pretty good, how are you." He said that he was doing pretty well and then proceeded to say that he doesn't recollect me ever saying that I'm not having a good day. This reminded me something about myself. I am (and always have been) a generally happy person who has worries (and frustrations)but trusts that God will take care of me and uses that as an excuse to stay positive. Somehow, I think I have slowly started losing that aspect of me in my time in Bangladesh. I especially see that in my musings over the past month or two since returning to Bangladesh. I've lived too much of my life worrying and fretting over things. Thanks to Tim though, I remembered and it made my day. It's a good thing too, because that night I got all the way home before I realized that I had forgotten my house key. I did what Phil Birkey does best in response to such things, I laughed at my stupidity and enjoyed the extra 4 miles of bike riding I had back to the office. I don't know if you've had the chance to re-find yourself but let me tell you, it is a great feeling.
Quote #1: My suggestion is to not think about it in terms of being right or wrong. It is your opinion. Don’t assume you are correct. There may be more than one good answer. On biblical differences, view it as an opportunity to examine your beliefs and why you believe that way. I think a lot of times we get caught up in trying to determine what is right and what is wrong on little things (although I would not necessarily call them trivial or insignificant), but we lose sight of what is really important. You quoted it, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength and mind; love your neighbor as yourself.” Remember this always.
Quote #2: If you read the story of Jesus telling the rich man to give away all that he has, the rich man’s response is disappointment because he loves his possessions more than he loves God. There are many places in the Bible where rich men are also praised but not because they are rich but because they are faithful and lead good lives. Take the story of Job for instance. If we all lived paycheck to paycheck because we give everything beyond what we need to live to charity, who would have money to start small businesses and provide jobs for others? I heard someone say once that you are not giving enough to charity and the church until it causes you to sacrifice something in your life. I think this is a good measure of the minimum you should be doing.
I scream an "AMEN!!!" to the first quote and have a lot of respect for the second one. I guess the only thing I would have to say is not that I disagree with the second quote but rather that it is my opinion that it is the minimum. Unfortunately, it is also my opinion that I am not interested in minimums and would prefer to focus all of those financial resources towards the first quote. I must also provide a disclaimer though, I of all people have never been all that great at handling money. I all to often let it handle me. This is part of why I take such a hard line stance with myself on the issue.
Ok, enough of that though. I should move on to other things. This past week wasn't all that amazingly interesting. I did however have one part of the week that stood out to me. On Saturday, I went to our home church and Tim, our host this week, let me in the gate. Tim asked how I was, to which I responded, "I'm doing pretty good, how are you." He said that he was doing pretty well and then proceeded to say that he doesn't recollect me ever saying that I'm not having a good day. This reminded me something about myself. I am (and always have been) a generally happy person who has worries (and frustrations)but trusts that God will take care of me and uses that as an excuse to stay positive. Somehow, I think I have slowly started losing that aspect of me in my time in Bangladesh. I especially see that in my musings over the past month or two since returning to Bangladesh. I've lived too much of my life worrying and fretting over things. Thanks to Tim though, I remembered and it made my day. It's a good thing too, because that night I got all the way home before I realized that I had forgotten my house key. I did what Phil Birkey does best in response to such things, I laughed at my stupidity and enjoyed the extra 4 miles of bike riding I had back to the office. I don't know if you've had the chance to re-find yourself but let me tell you, it is a great feeling.
Monday, July 12, 2010
A Rant
I realized something this morning. My anti-histamine pills for my allergy to my house are having some side effects, specifically, drowsiness. I knew that was a possible side effect but didn't think it was because I haven't noticed it during the day. This morning though as I struggled to get up at 6 despite going to bed at 9:30 the previous night, I realized that I've been doing that for several weeks now and it all came together in my mind. I had noticed it previously but assumed it was because the World cup games and power cuts were throwing off my sleep schedule. I'm not really sure what I can do about it though. I need the pills to not break out in hives but they are ruining my favorite part of the day. :-(
This past week I have also noticed something of an issue in my life. I am young and inexperienced. This hurts my confidence in standing up and making certain arguments. This is both in work and belief situations. (be prepared this next part gets a bit long but should be an interesting read for many of you)
For instance, this past week I had some friends over for dinner. These friends are from a more Baptist background and it shows. Since my background is economics, talk eventually got on the topic of money. I happened to mention that I fall closer to the beliefs of the emergent church on this topic and specifically that I don't believe in storing up safety nets of money for myself. This is when he pulled out Proverbs 13:22 (NIV) "A good man leaves an inheritance for his children's children..." I really wanted to go off on him for cherry picking on what I really feel is a pretty clear subject in the Bible. I didn't though because I can't quote sections of the Bible perfectly from memory and to counter-argue with him would have just pointed that out. When I read the Bible I remember concepts and flow much better than I remember phrases. Should I be so ashamed to admit that I can't (or maybe just don't) memorize it word for word? I wanted to point out to him the birds of the air and the lilies of the field who the Lord provides for or how Jesus told the rich man to give it all away or how hard it is for the camel to pass through the eye of the needle or how Jesus commanded the disciples to go and take NOTHING with them. I wanted to talk about how part of my belief comes from the fact that some of what I believe comes from the fact that when Jesus was asked about the greatest commandment he replied, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind; and love your neighbor as yourself." (I googled it and it comes from Luke 10:27) The important thing to notice here is that he didn't stop at the most important part, but also went to say that the thing that obviously must be there if you do this properly is to "love your neighbor as yourself". Jesus then responds to the question of who one's neighbor is by telling the story of the good Samaritan. Which along with his saying "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?...whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother." (Matthew 12:48-50 looked that one up too) This along with the good Samaritan example have lead me to rethink what I consider family references in the Bible to mean. I also take note that an inheritance is not necessarily money. We all inherit traits (and in my case some craziness) from our family (and friends) as well as things like history and wisdom. For instance, my Grandma Birkey didn't leave any money behind when she died but one thing that I found obvious from stories of people who came to visit her in the hospital before her death was that she was leaving behind a legacy that changed quite a few lives. In short, I view the Proverbs verse about leaving an inheritance for my children's children to be about how I should live my life in relationship to others rather than about how God blesses those who save up money for their grandkids. But instead of saying all this, I sat there and mumbled something about disagreeing with that view but respecting it.
This behavior of mine carries over into my work as well. I've recently been reviewing a project proposal for my boss and one of my criticisms is that many of his numbers aren't based off anything other than speculation. I point out how we should be getting the information on these. He agrees and then talks about the thought process that went into determining the speculative number. Eventually, he still agrees with me but doesn't act on this at all, the plan continues forward unchanged. We recently had an expert on the subject pass through the office while doing some research and we asked for his opinion on our proposal. Low and behold, he points out the same thing I was just pointing out, and then tells them to completely drop it from the budget, which they promptly do. Que the rolling of my eyes.
I guess what I'm trying to point out with all of this is not that I'm right. I'm mostly trying to point out that even in situations where I may be right or just believe strongly that I'm right, I have very little confidence to push the issue. Part of this is probably because something about my mannerisms when pushing an issue makes me come across as arrogant (something I've had pointed out to me numerous times). Part of it is probably because I am to willing to admit that I'm not an expert and could be wrong (as I have also been countless times). In the end it seems to me that there are two solutions to this problem. I can either just push my opinions as truth until proven wrong (thus really going far into the arrogance spectrum) or I can just slowly work towards discerning when my opinions are worth pushing and when I should drop the issue because I'm being foolish (maybe underselling my potential contributions in the mean time). Is this an accurate perception of the options available to me? I've chosen the latter option for most of my life. Maybe I should pursue the first option more while looking for ways to make it sound less arrogant than it currently comes across? Also, how closely are arrogance and stubbornness to each other? I'm definitely pretty stubborn.
I should probably wrap this up, I've got more to write but I just went on a fairly long rant so I'll quit before I risk making myself look more the fool.
This past week I have also noticed something of an issue in my life. I am young and inexperienced. This hurts my confidence in standing up and making certain arguments. This is both in work and belief situations. (be prepared this next part gets a bit long but should be an interesting read for many of you)
For instance, this past week I had some friends over for dinner. These friends are from a more Baptist background and it shows. Since my background is economics, talk eventually got on the topic of money. I happened to mention that I fall closer to the beliefs of the emergent church on this topic and specifically that I don't believe in storing up safety nets of money for myself. This is when he pulled out Proverbs 13:22 (NIV) "A good man leaves an inheritance for his children's children..." I really wanted to go off on him for cherry picking on what I really feel is a pretty clear subject in the Bible. I didn't though because I can't quote sections of the Bible perfectly from memory and to counter-argue with him would have just pointed that out. When I read the Bible I remember concepts and flow much better than I remember phrases. Should I be so ashamed to admit that I can't (or maybe just don't) memorize it word for word? I wanted to point out to him the birds of the air and the lilies of the field who the Lord provides for or how Jesus told the rich man to give it all away or how hard it is for the camel to pass through the eye of the needle or how Jesus commanded the disciples to go and take NOTHING with them. I wanted to talk about how part of my belief comes from the fact that some of what I believe comes from the fact that when Jesus was asked about the greatest commandment he replied, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind; and love your neighbor as yourself." (I googled it and it comes from Luke 10:27) The important thing to notice here is that he didn't stop at the most important part, but also went to say that the thing that obviously must be there if you do this properly is to "love your neighbor as yourself". Jesus then responds to the question of who one's neighbor is by telling the story of the good Samaritan. Which along with his saying "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?...whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother." (Matthew 12:48-50 looked that one up too) This along with the good Samaritan example have lead me to rethink what I consider family references in the Bible to mean. I also take note that an inheritance is not necessarily money. We all inherit traits (and in my case some craziness) from our family (and friends) as well as things like history and wisdom. For instance, my Grandma Birkey didn't leave any money behind when she died but one thing that I found obvious from stories of people who came to visit her in the hospital before her death was that she was leaving behind a legacy that changed quite a few lives. In short, I view the Proverbs verse about leaving an inheritance for my children's children to be about how I should live my life in relationship to others rather than about how God blesses those who save up money for their grandkids. But instead of saying all this, I sat there and mumbled something about disagreeing with that view but respecting it.
This behavior of mine carries over into my work as well. I've recently been reviewing a project proposal for my boss and one of my criticisms is that many of his numbers aren't based off anything other than speculation. I point out how we should be getting the information on these. He agrees and then talks about the thought process that went into determining the speculative number. Eventually, he still agrees with me but doesn't act on this at all, the plan continues forward unchanged. We recently had an expert on the subject pass through the office while doing some research and we asked for his opinion on our proposal. Low and behold, he points out the same thing I was just pointing out, and then tells them to completely drop it from the budget, which they promptly do. Que the rolling of my eyes.
I guess what I'm trying to point out with all of this is not that I'm right. I'm mostly trying to point out that even in situations where I may be right or just believe strongly that I'm right, I have very little confidence to push the issue. Part of this is probably because something about my mannerisms when pushing an issue makes me come across as arrogant (something I've had pointed out to me numerous times). Part of it is probably because I am to willing to admit that I'm not an expert and could be wrong (as I have also been countless times). In the end it seems to me that there are two solutions to this problem. I can either just push my opinions as truth until proven wrong (thus really going far into the arrogance spectrum) or I can just slowly work towards discerning when my opinions are worth pushing and when I should drop the issue because I'm being foolish (maybe underselling my potential contributions in the mean time). Is this an accurate perception of the options available to me? I've chosen the latter option for most of my life. Maybe I should pursue the first option more while looking for ways to make it sound less arrogant than it currently comes across? Also, how closely are arrogance and stubbornness to each other? I'm definitely pretty stubborn.
I should probably wrap this up, I've got more to write but I just went on a fairly long rant so I'll quit before I risk making myself look more the fool.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
The Big Bang Strikes Again
Forgot to post last week...oops. So this is a talk about the pondering and happenings of the past two weeks.
It has dried up considerably since my last post. The road is no longer inches of pure mud. It has rained the last two days in a row but they were morning showers and everything dries out fast after those. I'm still amazed at how much water this country can hold.
This past week we said goodbye to Jodi for the final time. That involved going to Dhaka and spending some time hanging out as a group. It's never a joyous occasion to see some one leave but since she lives in Ohio, I'm sure I'll see here again. That makes saying goodbye easier. Her leaving will definitely change the dynamic in Bogra. Social life has pretty much revolved around her for most of the last 2 years. Part of this is due to her jubilant personality and part of it is due to her house being strategically located. It will be interesting to see how we compensate for that. Bangladesh did give her a going away present. She got sick for the final days before she left.
Speaking of sickness, health has been a real issue around these parts. Ben was also sick last week and it seems I've got some sort of cold this week. Then on top of that, Nate had a motorcycle accident and broke his hand. He ended up having surgery on it to make sure it is set properly. I guess they told him that if he was 60 or a construction worker, it wouldn't need surgery, but because he is both young and a computer worker, he needed it. That makes me the only person in our household to have not broken an extremity in Bangladesh. I hope it stays that way.
I planned on having guests over for dinner last night but I had to postpone that due to electricity issues. As in, there wasn't any the night before. I got home in the evening and the power was off. I'm so used to this by now that I thought nothing of it, so I started mixing up brownies to pop in the oven when the power returned. Then I sat down to wait on the electricity to return. Only, it never did. I napped on the couch for awhile knowing that if the power came back on the lights and fans would wake me up. Then at about 12:30 the small battery powered fan I was using to make things bearable, died. So I grabbed Nate's battery powered fan and moved to my bed. At about 2:30 his fan also died. That left me sitting there sweating (literally and figuratively) with the knowledge that if the power hasn't come on in 5 hours, it isn't likely to do so soon. So I moved my sheet to the floor and slept on the concrete for the rest of the night because it is cooler than my bed. They said the electricity finally came back on sometime late yesterday morning but by then I had already rescheduled for fear that it wouldn't. I was finally able to bake my brownies last night. :-) I'm still working on the timing when using my new pyrex dish though and I might have burned them a bit.
It has dried up considerably since my last post. The road is no longer inches of pure mud. It has rained the last two days in a row but they were morning showers and everything dries out fast after those. I'm still amazed at how much water this country can hold.
This past week we said goodbye to Jodi for the final time. That involved going to Dhaka and spending some time hanging out as a group. It's never a joyous occasion to see some one leave but since she lives in Ohio, I'm sure I'll see here again. That makes saying goodbye easier. Her leaving will definitely change the dynamic in Bogra. Social life has pretty much revolved around her for most of the last 2 years. Part of this is due to her jubilant personality and part of it is due to her house being strategically located. It will be interesting to see how we compensate for that. Bangladesh did give her a going away present. She got sick for the final days before she left.
Speaking of sickness, health has been a real issue around these parts. Ben was also sick last week and it seems I've got some sort of cold this week. Then on top of that, Nate had a motorcycle accident and broke his hand. He ended up having surgery on it to make sure it is set properly. I guess they told him that if he was 60 or a construction worker, it wouldn't need surgery, but because he is both young and a computer worker, he needed it. That makes me the only person in our household to have not broken an extremity in Bangladesh. I hope it stays that way.
I planned on having guests over for dinner last night but I had to postpone that due to electricity issues. As in, there wasn't any the night before. I got home in the evening and the power was off. I'm so used to this by now that I thought nothing of it, so I started mixing up brownies to pop in the oven when the power returned. Then I sat down to wait on the electricity to return. Only, it never did. I napped on the couch for awhile knowing that if the power came back on the lights and fans would wake me up. Then at about 12:30 the small battery powered fan I was using to make things bearable, died. So I grabbed Nate's battery powered fan and moved to my bed. At about 2:30 his fan also died. That left me sitting there sweating (literally and figuratively) with the knowledge that if the power hasn't come on in 5 hours, it isn't likely to do so soon. So I moved my sheet to the floor and slept on the concrete for the rest of the night because it is cooler than my bed. They said the electricity finally came back on sometime late yesterday morning but by then I had already rescheduled for fear that it wouldn't. I was finally able to bake my brownies last night. :-) I'm still working on the timing when using my new pyrex dish though and I might have burned them a bit.
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